


Grief

by MadLulu



Series: Space dads extraordinaire [6]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Depression, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Not Beta Read, Obi-Wan Kenobi Needs a Hug, Pre-Slash, seriously this is not rainbows and unicorns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-15
Updated: 2019-11-15
Packaged: 2021-01-31 12:14:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21446047
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MadLulu/pseuds/MadLulu
Summary: Sometimes he can't breath.
Relationships: Jango Fett & Obi-Wan Kenobi
Series: Space dads extraordinaire [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1485881
Comments: 23
Kudos: 487





	Grief

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this instead of my NaNo which will be here one day since that's the next part of our little family. It's totally not beta'ed and idk where it comes from ? Probably from personnal grieving experiences i guess ? Obi-Wan is not in a happy place here so if grief is a trigger for you please don't read this.  
Mando'a translation at the end.

Sometimes, he can’t breath. He feels like he is stuck, starring at the wall, eyes going blind and he can’t breath. He can’t move, speak or scream. He’s watching a holonet feed, making tea, planting a seed, and his brain goes blank.

Sometimes he laughs and Jango looks at him and his smile is so blinding… It’s barely a quirk of the lips but he feels warm from his blushing cheeks to the bottom of his feet. And his laugh stops because he can’t breath but it’s for a different reason.

He looks at his life and he can’t figure for the life of him when it became this. He doesn’t want to. Some days more than others he can’t get up. He wants to die. He wants to find his old life, bring it all back but he can’t. It’s all gone and he’s alone. There’s no one else.

Luke smiles at him and his hearth breaks. Over and over every time. His little boy, his nephew, his son… His son who has Anakin’s eyes and Padme’s smile. This little being, who just began toddling around and calls him Da with all the innocence of the galaxy, hugs him. He wraps him in the Light and Ben try to breath, try not to cry.

It fades with time. The heartbreak. The wound is still here, raw and hurting, but it’s healing, scarring, one millimeter at the time. With every smile, every hug, every conversation, he learns to let it all go. He is not alone. Not anymore.

“You know,” Jango says one night. “I don’t think I ever saw you smile like this at Luke before today.”

Ben try not to roll his eyes. He smiles plenty at Luke. His sigh must not have been so imperceptible than he thought because Jango is smirking at him. He scowls and sips his tea, looking outside.

“Oh, don’t be like that, you uptight Jetii. It’s a good thing.”  
“I’ll have you know, I always smile at him like this.”  
“Nayc, usually, you look like you’re crying.”

Ben sighs and drains the rest of his tea. Today was one of the good days. Luke helped him plant a new tree and he showed him how to use the Living Force to make the seeds sprout. He had been entranced and ecstatic and managed to make one of his own sprouts. Ben had been so proud.

“You’ll have to talk about it, someday, Ben. Holding on to your grief like this isn’t healthy.”  
“Oh, because you know all about how to deal with the genocide of your entire culture!” He snaps viciously.

He regrets it instantaneously. Jango looks sad and he knows why.

“As a matter of fact, I do. You don’t have to talk about it. Not if you don’t want to but… I see how you’re hurting yourself, punishing yourself even because you can’t stand the guilt. I’m not blaming you. And I’m not saying you should talk to me. But I don’t think I have seen you smile that sincerely since we met.”

Ben can’t look at him. If he does, he’s probably going to cry. He feels like he’s cried enough in his sleep for five lifetimes, and somehow it’s not enough.

“Ben,” Jango call gently. “Look at me, please.”

He does, his throat feels like it’s clogged and he can’t breath. Again. Jango comes closer very carefully and puts a hand on his shoulder. The dam breaks and suddenly he’s sobbing in his arms, feeling like he’ll never be able to stop.

“It’s okay. You’re okay. You can grieve. I’m here.”

It feels like hours before he’s able to put himself back together enough to listen. Jango didn’t stop talking through all of it. Reassurances, sweet little words, songs. He’s whispering the remembrance and Ben hears himself saying it with him, his voice hoarse from crying.

“Ni su'cuyi, gar kyr'adyc, ni partayli, gar darasuum.”

He doesn’t say the names out loud. There are too many. But for the first time since Mustafar, he can breath.

**Author's Note:**

> I have a tumblr @madluluwriting where i post stuff and updates.  
Please leave a comment if you liked it ? I'm kinda incertain about this one.  
Mando'a :  
Jetii - Jedi  
Nayc - No  
Ni su'cuyi, gar kyr'adyc, ni partayli, gar darasuum - "I'm still alive, but you are dead. I remember you, so you are eternal." Daily remembrance of those passed on, usually followed by repetition of loved ones' names.


End file.
